Catch up time, part 2: August 2012

August brought on a lot of emotions.

August marked the month that Chalin started actual big boy school, Pre-K.  He would only be going 1/2 day, but still...he would be going every single day.  And that's a big deal, not only because he would be going every single day, but it marked the last year that he would be home with me, even if it was only 1/2 day.  I tried not to dwell on the fact that he would be starting Kindergarten ALL DAY AND EVERY DAY the following year...because that was just too much to think about.

 

August marked the month that we had a miscarriage 2 years ago.  I was only 5 weeks a long...but the fact is, we have been wanting a baby for what seems like sooooo long, and the fact that I was so close 2 years ago...

August marked the month that we would need to update our home-study with DPAS.  Most of my Adoptive Mama friends don't make it to this point because they are matched and celebrating their beautiful little miracle long before this.  A home-study is required each year that you are "waiting," and since we were still "waiting" we had to update ours, which in turn meant more money and more waiting.

On the morning that we were scheduled to have our home-study done, August 9th, we got a call from DPAS.  I assumed it had something to do with our home-study, but I was wrong.  We had been selected, again, by a birth mom.  I initially thought, "YAY!!!!....here we go again...YAY YAY YAY!  When will this one fall through?  YAY!!!!!!"  Chad and I were excited but guarded.  We were happy to find out she was due on August 28th!  We thought, whatever happens, at least we will know this month.

We met with the birth mom S on August 13th.  What a beautiful girl on the inside and out.  We immediately fell in love with her.  I just felt a connection but tried not to get my hopes up.  She was just wonderful--I seriously can't say enough nice things about her.  She even brought us a stack of pictures of the ultra sounds she had printed off herself, along with pictures of her and the birth father, Z.

We decided to keep this match and meeting a secret this time around from Chalin...he kind of took the last disruption in June a little hard....and I couldn't watch him go through that, again.

Chalin started his first day of Pre-K on Friday, August 17th, and he loved it!

We got a call on August 20th from DPAS that S was in the hospital ready to deliver!  She went into labor 8 days early!  The original plan was for us not to go to hospital at her request...we were surprised, nervous, and excited when we were invited up to meet the birth father Z and the/our baby.  Z was having a hard time, but he said once he met us, he fell at peace and knew they were making the right choice, even though it was a very difficult one.

We walked into the hospital room on August 21st, and immediately S handed sweet baby girl to us.  She had the most beautiful skin, sweetest little ball chin, cutest button nose, and most precious little lips.  We spent the next 2 hours holding this beautiful baby girl, hoping and praying she would be ours forever and visiting with 2 of the most selfless people we will ever meet.  I remember leaving the hospital thinking, "What did we do to deserve these wonderful birth parents who chose us to parent the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world?"  I was in awe.

Most seem to have a really hard time leaving the hospital, but I left feeling at peace.  I knew whatever happened that next day, God was going to take care of us.  I also knew that the following day was going to be tough.  Man, did I have no idea...The following day, August 22nd we went back to hospital to bring baby girl home.  That day will mark one of the most difficult days I have ever endured.  The thing, the moment, the day that would be bringing us so much joy and marked as a very special day for us, would in turn mark one of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) days for S and Z, along with their families.  Our hearts were so heavy that day.  We had to put our complete trust in God--knowing that he had this perfect plan all along for us, for them, for our sweet baby girl.  That it was His plan to bring our sweet baby girl into this world, through S and Z.  It was His plan for us to be her parents.

I could go on and on and ON about our sweet baby girl's birth parents, along with little details here and there about our adoption story, but my words will never do them or this very special story justice.  They do and will always hold a very special place in our hearts, and Carinne will always know how much she is loved by us and by them.

The days came and went and both S and Z followed through with terminating their rights.  S terminated her rights about 8 days after Carinne was born and Z had until September 5th....the next few weeks were filled with joy, little sleep, and stress while we waited for both birth parents' rights to be terminated.   Looking back, I think deep down, I knew it was going to work out this time.  I just had a peace about this situation (although I won't deny the crazy person that I allowed to come out during those few weeks!  So very thankful for family and friends for their patience and prayers during that time!)

We have had a couple of meetings with S and Z so far, and they have both gone great!  We do have an open adoption and will for as long as they want. 

Thanks to my sweet friend April for capturing this picture of our little miss Annabella "Carinne".  Annabella was the name S and Z chose--and we wanted to keep that name.  It's a beautiful name for our beautiful girl.  Chad and I chose Carinne (pronounced Kah-rin, but no pause), because we wanted a unique "C" name, just giving her another way to fit into our family perfectly.  She was born at 12:18 PM, 18.75 inches long and 6.6 lbs of pure sweetness.  More updates over the last couple of months of our new family of 4 coming "soon"......

Catch up time, part 1: July 2012

Wow, it has been a loooooong time, people.  I am going to attempt to get everyone caught up with our lives since I last blogged back in J-U-N-E...as quickly as possible...mainly with pictures, because that's really what people enjoy right?  Here we go....

Chalin spent lots of time enjoying the sprinkler and his slip-n-slide.

Chad also enjoyed the slip-n-slide...and I'll admit I did, too, once I understood the concept of  "sliding" and not "jumping."

Chalin finished up his 3rd season of t-ball and took home the 1st Place Trophy!  We celebrated with the team at CiCi's Pizza.

The Cubs are the CHAMPS!

Hung out with our little turtle friend and spent hours on Chalin's playground.

I celebrated my 10 year reunion and caught up with some great friends!

I can't even begin to image how many hours we spent at the zoo this summer.  We love love LOVE zoo trips!

I ran my first ever Color Me Rad race with some great friends.  We had a blast and definitely plan on running it again!

Chalin loved drawing with chalk and became very detailed in his drawings...notice Chad's huge head and my enormous eyes?

Super hero play-dates at the Murray's!

More play dates with some superheroes.  Great buddies.

Quite the artist...sidewalk painting.

This quickly became a favorite activity.  I learned if you basically squirt the entire bottle of food coloring when mixing, you get some amazingly bright sidewalk paint!

Chalin and Chad had many "camping" trips right in our living room and loved every minute of it!

Yep.  I did it.  Judge if you must.  I love it.  I worked hard to find the perfect font.  I wrote it out on paper probably a 100 times to get it exactly how I wanted it, so it could be "my" writing.  It's one of my absolutely favorite verses.   Psalm 37:7.   It serves as a constant and permanent reminder to "Be still and wait patiently on the Lord..." no matter what each day may bring.  I really needed this after our adoption fell through in June and I don't for one second regret my decision.  It made it even better that I had some amazing friends to go with--thank you April, Anna, and Autumn!!!

Hurting heart and broken wings...

"...Cannot stop Your love from finding me...My strength alone will never be enough, but Your arms keep lifting me up."

Let me start from the beginning.  We're adopting!  Still!  We were officially approved last July.  We were matched with a birth mom in October.  It fell through in December.  We were selected by a new birth mom in early March.  She was due with a baby girl, today, June 26.  After 3 1/2 months of being excited about the thought of finally having another baby, we got the call yesterday, late afternoon, that our birth mom had changed her mind.  She was scheduled to be induced at 12:00 AM.  There were absolutely NO red flags--no warnings.  She said all the right things.  All the time.  So, maybe that was a big red flashing red light that we "ignored?"  Who knows.  I am sad, confused, angry, frustrated, all over again.  Why would God let this happen again? 

Well, it took a very hot humid horrible 2 mile run to clear my head.  I felt a little guilty, but honestly not too much.  I specifically remember reading about people doing it in the Bible--not saying it's the right thing to do--but my thought was "oh well."  While I was running, out of all the songs that are on my shuffle (variety of country, hip hop, christian, classic rock, pop), I asked the question: "Are we on the right road?  Are we suppose to continue to be patient and pursue adoption?  A christian song came on, didn't think much about it.  Right after a 2nd christian song came on....began to play my little game with God.  "I need a sign.  Desperately.  If you want me to keep being patient, play me another christian song, to make 3 christian songs in a row."  The Fray played next, "Heartbeat."  Your probably thinking what I'm thinking.  Air One plays this song, but so does the "popular" station.  BUT Air One plays it, so I'm going with it.  Now, this is silly, I know.  Is that the sign that gives me all the answers?  No.  But it did make me smile.  God does have a sense of humor, doesn't He?  I think so.

While I was running, my thoughts started to become clear.  Who do I think I am that I deserve to be happy all the time?  God didn't put me on this earth to "be happy."  He created me to praise Him.  To bring Him glory.  To shine a light to hopefully encourage others to follow Him.  Does that mean that he doesn't want me to be happy?  NO!  Of course not!  But is that my purpose here?  NO!  Of course not!  

I try to find at least one thing to be thankful for no matter if the situation goes the way I want it to or doesn't.  So, here it is.  A while back, and not just on one occasion, I've prayed for a way to witness to others.  God gave it to me.  If we wouldn't have struggled with fertility, if we weren't currently still struggling with trying to get a baby that we want so desperately bad, now in the adoption world, would I have shared my faith?  Honestly, probably not.  I still want that baby just as much as I always have.  I'm not ready to give up, yet.  And if my struggles, my story, has created one more believer, caused one more person to strengthen their faith, then this is all worth it.  My purpose in this life as a believer, is to bring others with me to Heaven.  My family, my friends, my acquaintances, strangers.  Please don't shower me with praise for being faithful.  Give God the Glory.  He is the reason I am sharing my story and not curled up in a ball in the fetal position on the floor.  

After my two miles, I decided to torture myself a little more and walk 2 miles in the heat.  On my last mile back, about 1/2 mile to go, the song came on "Free" by Dara Maclean.  Thank you, God, for continuing to show me love and give me hope when I need it the most...through loving family and friends (phone calls, texts, messages, flowers)...and a "random" song on my shuffle.

"Hurting heart and broken wings

Cannot stop Your love from always finding me

No more days wasting away

I finally realize the gift inside me

My strength alone will never be enough

But Your arms keep lifting me up

You tell me I've been made free

You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams

You whisper words that free my soul

You're the reason I have hope

You're everything I need and more

You made me

You made me free" 

F-O-U-R

I cannot believe our baby is 4.  What an amazingly wonderful blessing he is.  We started out the morning by stopping by Daylight Donuts to order a sprinkled donut and some milk for breakfast.  After that, C celebrated his birthday at school by sharing birthday cookies with his friends, being sung to, and receiving a book from "Ralph the Dog." 

 

 Chad was able to take off a little early from work and go with me to pick up C from school.  We then went and bowled two games and had so much fun!  After that, at C's request, we had Chick-fil-a for dinner, went home to open presents, and shared a gigantic piece of birthday cake.  Here are a few pictures....and more to come after we celebrate this weekend with family and friends.

 

Loves: 

The colors red & blue

Puzzles!  Huge ones...like 100 pieces.  Pure craziness.

Playing games, especially Trouble, Sorry, & Yahtzee

Chocolate Donuts

Cars, trucks, emergency vehicles, tractors, and anything you can think of with wheels.

Being Mommy's Scentsy Buddy

ANY Mighty Machine video, along with Word World, Sid the Science Kid, Dinosaur Train, & Super Why

Strawberry breakfast bars from Wal-Mart (all the other ones are "yucky.")

Being a helper

Wait for it.....wait for it....YOGURT DRINKS!

Mazes

Hidden Picture Books

BOOKS!

Being Tickled AND tickling

 T-Ball (but the season hasn't started, yet....)

PLASMA CAR!

Trips to the Zoo

Playing outside (riding his vehicles, bike, and playing in sand table)

Meerkats

BUILDING ZOO PENS!

Playing on his Leapster Explorer

Bowling

Figuring out letter sounds

Stuffed Animals

And you'll never guess.....MOMMY'S HAIR!

A few random facts:

Despises the colors pink & purple.  Refuses to wear them.

Has an excellent memory...almost eery what this kid remembers.

So funny--he gets this from his Daddy

Such a sweet sweet son with the biggest heart ever

Very observant 

I know I'll get in trouble for this someday, but he loves talking about poop.  Yes, poop.  Finds it HILARIOUS.

No longer says "t" sound for "k"...so no more, "tittle" "tat" or "pop sittles"

No longer says, "d" sound for "g"...no more "dods" "dood" or doldfish"

Does say "sh" for "ch" so we have "Shalin" "Shad" and "Shurch" for a little longer

Enjoys eating "beef turkey"

Has inherited the inability to choose what we eat for dinner and now beats us to saying, "I'm not picking what we eat, I CALLED IT!"  Yes, Chad and I do this, and now C has joined us.  We forget we're not in elementary school. 

 

Merry Christmas!

We hope you all had a Merry Christmas!  Here are our "Top 10 Moments of 2011" (idea taken from our Christmas card this year--if I figure out how to post it, I will).  No particular order here, except for #1, of course.

10.  Blizzard 2011 with the Murray's.

(check it out here.) 

9.  Chalin turned 3.
(Check it out here.)

8.  First family fishing trip.

7. Chalin started t-ball. 
(Check it out here and here.)

6. Family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge, LegoLand, & Sea Life. 
(Check it out here.)

5. Celebrated 8 years of marriage.
(Check it out here.)

4. Chad's 10 year HS Reunion.  

3.  Joined a new church.  

2.  Chad celebrated his last year of his 20's--Lindsay is not that old :) 

1.  Began our ADOPTION JOURNEY!
(Check it out here.)

We hope that not only does the good Lord bless you more than you can ever imagine in 2012, but also that you recognize these blessings and give all the glory to Him.

God's Presence

I am 90% done with my yearly Bible challenge!  I spent some time on Saturday reading 5 days worth, and now I'm actually only 2 days behind. (I have every intention on catching up today.)

Isn't it amazing how clear God's voice seems to be the more time you devote to Him?  The more I am in-tune with Him--praising Him, seeking Him, reading His Word--the more I feel His presence around me.  Have you ever been singing a song of praise, either at church or maybe just in your car, and you actually become so overwhelmed with the feeling of God's love for you?  Have you ever been reading your Bible or devotional and felt, "God wrote this especially for me and this moment"?  I love when this happens, because God who can so easily seem so far away (by the choices we make, not by His doing in anyway), suddenly seems so close that I can sense His presence.  It's such an amazing experience.  If you haven't had one of these experiences, I encourage you to spend a little time with the Lord everyday, even if it's just a few moments.  I promise, it will happen, and you will be amazed.

I would like to briefly mention--not on my behalf in anyway, BUT to make you better understand and see why this next part of this blog was "one of those moments" for me that I spoke of above--we recently had an adoption fall through.  It was awful.  We were matched with the sweetest birth mom back in October, but we knew our chances of it working out were only 50%.  A week ago, we were informed that it fell through, and that we would be put back on the waiting list.  With all that said, yes it was hard.  Yes, I, of course, wish it would have worked out.  I prayed for an answer before Christmas so that we didn't get into a situation of bringing that special baby home and then having it taken away.  I prayed that not only God would give us an answer, but that He would also prepare our hearts for that answer.  God answered.  Not the answer I wanted, but He answered. And my heart was as ready as it could have been, not by my doing, but His.

Now....this next part is what inspired me to blog.  As I was in the laundry room working on Christmas gifts last night, I came across a Daily Devotional (Jesus Calling, Enjoying Peace in His Presence) that I had purchased at Mardel's as a gift.  I decided to open it up to December 11th and see what wisdom it had to offer.  It is written as if Jesus wrote it Himself, speaking directly to you.  Here is what it said.  Word for word.

"I am working on your behalf.  Bring me all your concerns, including your dreams.

Talk with Me about everything, letting the Light of My Presence shine on your hopes and plans.  

Spend time allowing My Light to infuse your dreams with life, graudally transforming them into 

reality.  This is a very practical way of collaborating with Me.  I, the Creator of the universe, 

have designed to co-create with you. Do not try to hurry the process.  If you want to work with Me, 

you have to accept My time frame.  Hurry is not in My nature.  Abraham and Sarah had to wait 

many years for the fulfillment of My promise, a son.  How their long wait intensified their enjoyment of this child!  Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses."

Psalm 36:9; Genesis 21:1-7; Hebrews 11:1 (AMP)

It amazes me how God cares and loves us so much.  He knows exactly what we're going through.  He knows exactly what we need.  He knows exactly what we need to hear and when we need to hear it.  

These verses were shared yesterday during the sermon at Church:

"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living.  

Wait patiently for the Lord.  Be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."  

(Psalm 27:13, 14 NLT)

Willie Nelson Guitar

We have a new auction item:  A brand new guitar (Lucida Classical Guitar LG-520) autographed by the one and only Willie Nelson!  It's not the brand of guitar he plays, but it is the style.  We started the bidding a few days ago, and it is at $350 currently with Lea Ann being the high bidder.  Please pass this along to any friends or family that might be interested.  What a great, unique gift for a loved one on your Christmas list!  ALL proceeds will go directly towards our Adoption!

Email me or comment on the blog to place your bids :)  The end date has not been set at this time, but it will end in plenty of time for Christmas.

ALSO, don't forget to check out my Scentsy page to get some of your Christmas shopping done for loved ones!  Today is the last day to get your November orders in, but you still have a couple of weeks in December to get some shopping done, too, before Christmas.  Email me on how you can save on shipping or if you are interested in earning FREE product!