Hurting heart and broken wings...

"...Cannot stop Your love from finding me...My strength alone will never be enough, but Your arms keep lifting me up."

Let me start from the beginning.  We're adopting!  Still!  We were officially approved last July.  We were matched with a birth mom in October.  It fell through in December.  We were selected by a new birth mom in early March.  She was due with a baby girl, today, June 26.  After 3 1/2 months of being excited about the thought of finally having another baby, we got the call yesterday, late afternoon, that our birth mom had changed her mind.  She was scheduled to be induced at 12:00 AM.  There were absolutely NO red flags--no warnings.  She said all the right things.  All the time.  So, maybe that was a big red flashing red light that we "ignored?"  Who knows.  I am sad, confused, angry, frustrated, all over again.  Why would God let this happen again? 

Well, it took a very hot humid horrible 2 mile run to clear my head.  I felt a little guilty, but honestly not too much.  I specifically remember reading about people doing it in the Bible--not saying it's the right thing to do--but my thought was "oh well."  While I was running, out of all the songs that are on my shuffle (variety of country, hip hop, christian, classic rock, pop), I asked the question: "Are we on the right road?  Are we suppose to continue to be patient and pursue adoption?  A christian song came on, didn't think much about it.  Right after a 2nd christian song came on....began to play my little game with God.  "I need a sign.  Desperately.  If you want me to keep being patient, play me another christian song, to make 3 christian songs in a row."  The Fray played next, "Heartbeat."  Your probably thinking what I'm thinking.  Air One plays this song, but so does the "popular" station.  BUT Air One plays it, so I'm going with it.  Now, this is silly, I know.  Is that the sign that gives me all the answers?  No.  But it did make me smile.  God does have a sense of humor, doesn't He?  I think so.

While I was running, my thoughts started to become clear.  Who do I think I am that I deserve to be happy all the time?  God didn't put me on this earth to "be happy."  He created me to praise Him.  To bring Him glory.  To shine a light to hopefully encourage others to follow Him.  Does that mean that he doesn't want me to be happy?  NO!  Of course not!  But is that my purpose here?  NO!  Of course not!  

I try to find at least one thing to be thankful for no matter if the situation goes the way I want it to or doesn't.  So, here it is.  A while back, and not just on one occasion, I've prayed for a way to witness to others.  God gave it to me.  If we wouldn't have struggled with fertility, if we weren't currently still struggling with trying to get a baby that we want so desperately bad, now in the adoption world, would I have shared my faith?  Honestly, probably not.  I still want that baby just as much as I always have.  I'm not ready to give up, yet.  And if my struggles, my story, has created one more believer, caused one more person to strengthen their faith, then this is all worth it.  My purpose in this life as a believer, is to bring others with me to Heaven.  My family, my friends, my acquaintances, strangers.  Please don't shower me with praise for being faithful.  Give God the Glory.  He is the reason I am sharing my story and not curled up in a ball in the fetal position on the floor.  

After my two miles, I decided to torture myself a little more and walk 2 miles in the heat.  On my last mile back, about 1/2 mile to go, the song came on "Free" by Dara Maclean.  Thank you, God, for continuing to show me love and give me hope when I need it the most...through loving family and friends (phone calls, texts, messages, flowers)...and a "random" song on my shuffle.

"Hurting heart and broken wings

Cannot stop Your love from always finding me

No more days wasting away

I finally realize the gift inside me

My strength alone will never be enough

But Your arms keep lifting me up

You tell me I've been made free

You give me everything I need to walk in my dreams

You whisper words that free my soul

You're the reason I have hope

You're everything I need and more

You made me

You made me free" 

Procrastination--27,496,281, Lindsay--0

Well, I guess I have boycotted Blogger long enough.  Chalin has refused to give me a good nights sleep all week--waking up 2 times, yes 2, every night, and this morning at 5:00, my body refused to allow me to drift back to sleepy town, and so now I blog.  (Yes, it is now almost 7...I can be a pretty stubborn person, so yes, again, it took 2 hours to motivate myself to get out of bed and be productive.)  So, like I said, now I blog.  With a big tub of Halloween candy beside me, just like I like it, while my two sleepy head boys are occupying my warm cozy bed....

I wouldn't be me if I didn't procrastinate and update the Blog by (hopefully) quick bullet points--ha, we all know I don't blog "quickly"....anyway, here it goes...

1.  I know I haven't been the best at updating lately, but we are still adopting!  We have been on the waiting list since the end of July, and there are some easy days and some hard days during the waiting process.  Each step involves some kind of waiting, so if you weren't patient before, through lots of hard work and trials, you learn to be patient in the end.  You wait to be approved to be on the waiting list.  You wait to get monthly emails from the agency updating you on how many birth families they are currently working with.  You wait to get phone calls about birth parents.  You wait to be "chosen" by the birth family.  You wait to meet the birth family.  You wait for the birth.  You wait for the court date.  So. Much. Waiting.  But--I know it's worth it.  So we wait.

2. (Some of these aren't actually "updates" but they are important enough to me to deserve their own number.)  First of all, isn't God amazing?  I know we haven't been "waiting" all that long, just a few short months, but it is so easy to doubt when those around you are getting chosen to be adoptive parents.  I specifically remember wondering and praying and questioning if I had misread God leading us to adopt.  Not because I was having a change of heart, but because I felt like something must be wrong with us since we weren't being picked or even getting any phone calls from the agency about birth families.  I prayed, "God, I really want to adopt.  It has been on my heart for a while now, but if this is not the plan you have for us, please let us know somehow."  Within the month, we have received 4 phone calls from the agency.  Thank you, God, again for sending me the sign, the encouragement that I so desperately needed to hang in there and have a little faith.....

3.  Through this whole Adoption Journey, we have heard some amazing stories and met some wonderful people.  I don't know what I would do without my Monday Night Waiting Moms group.  They are some of the sweetest, most amazing faithful women I have ever met.  We meet every Monday night at a cute little tea place to share where we are in our journey.  Most have already been matched and have sweet kiddos at home--I actually joked 2 weeks ago that our group should now be called, "The Adoptive Moms and the Waiting Mom, Lindsay."--some have adopted more than one child, some have both biological and adoptive children, and some just have one sweet adoptive baby.  We are all at different places and all have our own unique stories to share.  I can't stress enough how much I appreciate them and their constant encouraging words and stories. 

4.  With all that said above, we have been blessed with an amazing supportive family and friends that continue to shower us with love, especially through this whole process--whether it be prayers, phone calls, emails, cards in the mail, supporting my Scentsy business, donation of items, donation of money, donation of time, etc.  I hope all of you know how much we love you and appreciate you--I know your "segment" isn't as long, but we've known you all or most of our lives, so surely you know how much you mean to us?! :)

5.  We STILL have puzzle pieces for sale!  $15 a piece.  We are just under 200 pieces left, and I would LOVE to have this completed and hanging in the nursery by Christmas.  Chad is going to write all the names of those that have purchased a piece on the back of the puzzle so that we can share it with our sweet baby someday and show him/her all the family and friends that helped create their story.  Please help us reach our goal!!!  Email me or comment on this blog for details.  lrobertson614@hotmail.com

6.  My MIL has been busy busy BUSY quilting away.  She is making adorable table-runners for $20 a piece.  All proceeds go towards our Adoption.  Email or comment for details!

This is an example of a Fall one she made me.  I love it!

7.  The beautiful (yes beautiful) OSU quilt my MIL made is at $200 currently.  The bidding will close on Thursday, November 17th at 10:00 P.M.

OSU quilt

Close up.  How pretty!

8.  A guy from Chad's work donated this OU football and all proceeds will go towards our Adoption.  It has the Heisman trophy winners' signatures on it, except for Sam Bradford.  Signatures include:  Steve Owens, Billy Sims, & Jason White.  The bidding will start at $150.  We will close the bidding on Thursday, November 17th at 10:00 P.M.

The 'OU' and 'Sooners' (on the back) are not printed but stitched on the ball, making it look extra special and nice!

Ok, if you haven't noticed, it is NOVEMBER, and we know what happens next month.  I just gave you LOTS of ideas for Christmas presents.  You're Welcome. ;)  and I'll remind you again, along with adding a few extra:

~Scentsy!  There is Scentsy for everyone on your list.  What a GREAT gift at a low price! If nothing else, what great stocking stuffers for loved ones!  Gift certificates are available, too! 

~Quilted Table Runners!  For the newly married, your parents, your grandparents, your friends, etc!

~OSU Quilt!  I know I have lots of friends and family that are Cowboy fans!  What a beautiful one-of-a-kind blanket to give or receive as a Christmas present!

~OU Football!  What OU fan wouldn't want this awesome gift?!  Perfect for your husband, your son, your dad, etc!

~Knitted items!  I have adorable baby bibs & hats (perfect for your own babies, nieces/nephews, friends' babies), coffee cozies/mug sweaters (pair it with a cute mug and a Starbuck's gift card and you've got a great gift for your mom, grandma, sister, friend, your child's teacher, etc!), dish cloths (pair them with your favorite Bath & Body Works soap, and you've got another great gift for someone!)

I hope you are able to mark some people off your Christmas list SOON and support a GREAT cause while you are at it!!! :)

**Just for those of you curious readers out there, it is now 9.  If you didn't have the answer before on why I don't blog often, now you do.**

**And I do apologize for creating what I believe to be the Longest. Blog. In. History.**

Piece by Piece

Our first official fundraiser has begun:  JIGSAW PUZZLE!

We are building our family, one puzzle piece at a time...literally! 

I first heard about this idea from my friend Saradee and began doing some research, and fell in love.  Mainly because Chalin L-O-V-E-S puzzles, and to be honest, Chad and I do, too.  Rather than purchase a random puzzle, we decided to make it even more meaningful to our family and "design" our own....and by that, I mean our sweet friend Sara offered to design it for FREE for us.  All I had to do is tell her what I wanted it to say (a quote I saw online) and what colors I wanted to use.  We decided to go with a "quote" rather than an image, because we have no idea if we will be blessed with a baby boy or a baby girl.  I got the puzzle in the mail today, and I'm so excited for you to see it!  Unfortunately, you're going to have to wait until puzzle pieces are purchased and we begin constructing the puzzle because I want it to be a surprise! :)

Here's the plan:  You can help us construct a 513 piece jigsaw puzzle for $15 each piece!  We will be writing the names of those who purchase a puzzle piece (or pieces) on the back of each piece, so not only will we remember, but more importantly our precious baby boy or baby girl will always know how much love surrounded them by their family members and friends that helped make this amazing journey to a miracle possible!  If you would like to purchase a puzzle piece, you can make checks payable to "Robertson Adoption Fund," and please don't forget to include the name you want us to write on the puzzle piece!   If you do not have our address, please email me, and I'll get it to you.

We look forward to showing you the stages of building our jigsaw puzzle and to sharing 

Our Journey of Adoption!

If you'd like to mail a donation, please email Chad & Lindsay at

lrobertson614@hotmail.com

As always, we are so unbelievably thankful for all of your continuous prayers, love, and support!

Beyond Blessed

"Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you." --Jesus, Matthew 5:48

Oh, how we have seen this verse lived out by the people that surround us, and it just makes my heart so unbelievable happy.

I have to write this quick post because I am beyond BLESSED with the most loving family and friends. Of course, I knew this before, but God has continued to show me just how wonderful the people are that he has placed in my life. Since Chad, Chalin, and I began sharing our Adoption Journey:

*I have had Scentsy orders placed just to assist with our Adoption costs--from friends, family, and friends/family of our friends and family!
*We have had friends and family share our story with others they know through blogging, emails, Facebook, etc.
*I've had a friend offer to donate a % of what she sells with HER business to us.
*I've had loving, supportive, encouraging emails, messages and phone conversations from anyone and everyone, including people that are going through or have gone through the same thing.
*I've had a friend offer to design things for us for FREE to help with fundraisers.
*I've had friends and family offer to help in anyway possible, whether it be making something for us to raise money (knitting, quilting), offering their awesome photography skills, or just giving us items that could possibly raise money for us.

I hope all of you know how TRULY special each and everyone of you are to us. I hope we can someday show you how much we really appreciate ALL of your ongoing love and support as we continue our Adoption journey.

*Side Note: Chad and I are currently working on some more fundraiser ideas with our friends and family, so keep a look out on our blog for more information coming soon!

Current Fundraisers:
1. OU SEASON FOOTBALL TICKETS!
2. Purchase from my Scentsy website!

OU SEASON FOOTBALL TICKETS!

I wanted to let all of my beautiful blogger friends know that we have decided to auction off our 2 OU SEASON FOOTBALL tickets and use this money to go towards our adoption. Even if you are not an OU fan, please pass this along to your family and friends that might be interested! This was Chad's idea and decision--can you believe it?!?

The seats are in the upper deck on the home side and are located on approximately the "south" 10 yard line. The bidding will start at $1000--the reason being that the tickets themselves cost over $900, and we have to pay a donor's fee to even get the chance to purchase the tickets...crazy I know...which puts the complete purchase right around $1000. We are trying to get our money back, BUT it would be SUPER nice to even get extra to put towards our adoption fund!

And a personal side note from Chad: "Everyone knows we're going to win the National Championship this year, so just think how nice it would be to have season tickets for a championship season......I'm just sayin'."

I will post another blog once we officially have the tickets in our hands, but PLEASE help us get the word out! Talk to your family and friends--maybe they will even want to go in together with you and split the money and the games with you!

Chad, Chalin, and I are all super excited about this new special addition to our family that God is planning for us! I'm not going to lie though, this waiting stuff is ridiculously hard!!!

Thank you in advance for your love and support!