"I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course."
Let me just tell you that I had my life pretty much planned out perfectly. As most of you know, we used to live in Norman. Loved it. Had many thoughts about growing old in Norman, already had some elementary schools picked out for Chalin, imagined ourselves being that little old couple going to all the OU games and saying we've lived in Norman for 30+ years.....
We loved our Church in Norman, Alameda Church of Christ. Rusty Tugman is an awesome preacher. Bill Pink is an amazing worship leader. We had built many wonderful friendships and grew closer to God than we have ever been in that Church....
Well, let me tell you something you already know: Chad got a new job, and we relocated to Edmond. I was SO against moving out of Norman--I LOVED Norman. Norman was my home for over 7 years. I went to college there, had my first "home away from home" there, began the process of learning how to be a good wife there, got my first big girl job there, began the process of learning how to be a good mommy there....however, this new job & location change had it's positives--more money and being much closer to Chad, meaning he could actually make it home before dark, we can even meet him for lunch without it taking close to 2 hours in the car--which let me tell you something else you already know: that much time in a car with a toddler is NOT fun. For anyone. I didn't think I would like Edmond, and if I did, I knew it would take me a long time to adjust. God knew that it actually would only take me a few short months. He also made the process a TON easier by having one of my best friends in the whole wide world move about 3 miles away. The same month we moved. How awesome is that?
This new location meant a change of church, which I was TOTALLY not okay with in the beginning. I also knew that it would be impossible to make Edmond our true home without finding a new church we could call home. It took a couple of months, but we found it. It's HUGE. But we LOVE it. I never thought we could find another church we loved as much, but God showed us He can.
I knew I would have more than one child. I've known that since I was a little girl. Too make this long story a little shorter than it could be, I'll spare you all the details. I will tell you that for one reason or another, Chad and I have not been blessed with another child. It is not likely that it will happen unless there is a miracle. When we received this news, I was....well, words can't really describe it. Sad. Devastated. Mad. Angry. Confused. Shocked. I remember a day or two after the appointment, I began "bargaining" with God because we all know that works (ha!).... I heard this certain bird start making the most unusual sound that I hadn't heard before while Chalin and I were outside. I remember silently talking to God, "If this bird continues to do this sound for 10 more times, God, I know you will give me a baby no matter what that doctor said..." I stopped counting at 15. I was sooooo ANGRY. Why couldn't God give me that one sign? He knows how much I want another baby. He knows how much I rely on signs. He knows what an awesome big brother Chalin would be.
That Wednesday night at church, we were handed a piece of paper and told not to look at it. We were told that each of us had a life changing event/challenge on our card and when we were given the cue, we would turn it over and relate that situation to Jesus in the Bible. Here was the card I got:After class, I went up to the teacher and asked how many "challenges" he had handed out. There were anywhere from 35-40 people in the class with around 15 different "challenges" passed out. Coincidence that I received this card? I know it wasn't.
"...for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have...For I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."
You think God not only knows but cares enough about my silly "need" for signs? God's been hearing me all along...His plan might not be the same as mine, but I do know His plan is perfect.
I do not know what this means for my family and me. I do know since I moved here, people have continually been put in my life who are going through or have gone through a similar situation. We have encountered many people who are going through the process of adoption.
Just last weekend, I attended a Scentsy conference where all the raffle money was being collected and going to a certain non-profit organization. I debated for a while about going because that weekend was just too busy, but at the last minute, I registered and went. Guess which organization they chose out of all the possible options? Anna's House Foundation. Look it up. Not only did they share a very touching video, but a woman also got up to speak about her personal connection to this organization. Is it another sign from God? You know, I don't know. But I do know I will be praying very heavily about this situation over the next several months. I do know God will lead my family and me in the right direction. I do know that we have many loving family and friends that will be praying for us and will be nothing but supportive no matter what road God leads us down--whether it is a road meant for our family of 3 or a road meant for our family of 3 and more . Until then, I will continue to be forever thankful for the 2 boys that he has blessed me with already.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."